Traffic can be fun!

A dog sniffing a laptop and trying to type.
Illustration by Vanessa Lennon

Dear Olivia,

What’s a traffic?

It’s funny that your mom & dad gripe about traffic, but traffic happens in a car. I LOVE cars!

Your ears flap as the wind comes in, and you get to bark at the other cars. The other cars sometimes have other dogs! Genius!

I don’t understand why some humans get all weird about traffic and cars and stuff. I see a lot of people walking on the side of the road and they look really tired. I bet they would love to have a traffic!

The other day I saw a dog grooming van. I got so excited to see who was driving, but it wasn’t a dog at all. It was just another human! Isn’t that false advertising? Shouldn’t a dog be driving the van if it’s a dog groomer?

I know that LuLu Cat once told you that I drove your mom’s van to the pet store, but I really didn’t. I don’t know how to drive, and your mom NEVER lets me.

She says, “Car ride!” and then gets upset when I jump into the driver’s seat. She has never let me have a driving turn, not even once! Worse, if I try to cuddle her when she’s driving, she tells me to stop!

That’s why I like it better when your dad drives. Then, your mom lets me sit on her lap to look out. I like that MUCH better. What’s the point of riding in a car, if you can’t see anything?

Anyway, tell your mom and dad to stop cussing when they’re driving. That weird middle-finger-handwave doesn’t seem nice either. If traffic bugs them so much, they should give their traffic to someone else. Maybe if they give their car to a person who doesn’t have one, that person will be happy.

 I bet there are a lot of humans who LOVE traffic!

I love you a lot little human, but if you want to learn to love traffic, learn to stick your head out of the window once in a while. Flappy ears and a sun-tinted tongue make everything better!

Your favorite dog,

Jamie

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