Leg-lifting liberation!

A dog sniffing a laptop and trying to type.
Illustration by Vanessa Lennon

Dear Olivia,

Maybe this is my doggieness talking, but why are humans so picky about going to the bathroom?

The other day when you were all in the car your mom started “looking” for rest areas because you said you needed to pee. What’s to look for? There’s grass everywhere!

Now me, I can tinkle as soon as I leave the car, even if it’s just on the street! Are you kind of shy, maybe? Do you get embarrassed at the thought of peeing with everyone looking? You really shouldn’t!

Humans are weird. Just. Plain. Weird. You have a lot of terms for going to the bathroom. None of them make sense. Why would you spend a penny just to pee? Why would a lady powder her nose instead of just relieving herself? Face it, no matter how you phrase it, we know what you mean. You need to go outside and go potty.

Look, peeing is a normal thing. Sometimes it’s a quick squirt and other times it’s a real leg-lifter! The trick is to go when you gotta go, get it? Whether it’s relieving yourself on your mom’s new couch or changing the color of the grass outside, it happens to everyone! So long as you’re upstream, you’re okay! 

Why lie to your parents or classmates? Instead of asking if you can stop the car for a minute, or even asking if you can take a time out “real quick”, just pee wherever you are. Everyone says that dog pee smells, and it does, but not in a bad way. It gives a lot of messages for other dogs like which dog has been where and what they had for dinner.

And I bet that if you smelled someone else’s pee you would learn a lot about them as well! You should try it, really! From now on promise me that you will pee wherever you want! You will be relived to be relieved, and that’s nothing to shake a fetching-stick at!

Love you lots!
Jamie the Spaniel

One thought on “Leg-lifting liberation!

  1. Uh, Jamie, we know we’re new friends and all that, but we gotta be honest. That’s crappy advice. (Sorry for the bad word, Mom.) You are gonna get Olivia in so much trouble if she does what you say. And you’ll be in the same trouble, too! Just leave the peeps alone to say “I gotta pee” however they want and go into the batroom with a toilet. Trust us. Please. XOX Lucy and Xena

    Liked by 1 person

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