Give the flu back!

Dear Olivia,

A dog sniffing a laptop and trying to type.
Illustration by Vanessa Lennon

I’m sorry you got sick last night, what’s a flu? Why would you get one if it makes you miserable? Those noises you made were weird. At first it sounded like you were growling or rumbling, and then I heard splashing! It was so strange!

Your tummy must have felt awful. You certainly smelled awful. I think you should give the flu back to whoever gave it to you. It doesn’t seem like a good thing to have.

Whenever I get a tummy ache I go outside and eat plants and leaves. You should try it. You’ll feel much better. Sometimes there are little bugs on the grass. It’ s a bonus because you get bug meat. Yum!

You have to admit that you’re getting hungry just thinking about it. Bugs are really, really tasty. It’s like eating a delicious, squishy, wriggling pickle. The juice squirts out a little as they pop in your mouth. MUCH better than those dry crackers you nibbled this morning!

I wish you didn’t have to go back to school. LuLu is really mean to me when you’re not here. She’s also mean to me when you ARE here, but it’s not quite as bad.

She likes to knock stuff off the stairs so that it lands on my head. She’ll cry out like she’s hurt or something, I’ll run to the stairs and then POW! Books and shoes fly out of the railing.

I know I shouldn’t keep checking on her when she cries, but what if she’s hurt? What if she needs help? I think she’s taking advantage of the fact that I’m nice, and I have the scars to prove it.

Do your best at school. I’ve heard that kids who get bad grades have to go to summer school. You CAN NOT leave me alone all summer with that crazy cat. I’m not saying she’s evil, but she’s definitely psychotic!

Come home soon!

Jamie

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