Candy canes & duct tape!

Dear Olivia,

A dog sniffing a laptop and trying to type.
Illustration by Vanessa Lennon

You DO NOT want to know what LuLu and her sister Trixie were doing this morning!

Well, I’m gonna tell you anyway. I have to tell someone, and I don’t have any stamps so I can’t mail these letters to anyone. Besides, who’d believe me? LuLu always looks so innocent! 

There Babbie and I were, sleeping on protecting the couch.  LuLu and Trixie started to circle us. They claimed that they wanted to be friends, and they offered us jerky treats. They said it was a peace offering because they wanted to be friends. As if!

Then, when we got on the floor to grab the treats, they jumped on us!  Babbie and I ran different ways as fast as we could. Everything was crazy—it was like living in a nightmare, only we couldn’t wake up to stop it!

LuLu and Trixie were chasing us this way and that. They were yelling, “Rah, rah, rah! Seize the Pests!” I think that Babbie and I are “the Pests”. But I’m not sure why. We don’t pester anyone. Everyone loves us—don’t they? It’s so confusing!

LuLu was carrying duct tape and leftover peppermint canes the whole time and saying something about wet dog smell, which is just silly. Everyone knows that wet dogs smell better than dry ones. She kept trying to hold us down and tape the candy canes to us!

LuLu has just gone crazy—or crazier, if that’s possible.

I have to go into hiding now. Babbie and I found out that the cats won’t come near the bathtub if the water’s running. We don’t like it either, since we don’t want to take a bath, but it’s the only room that’s safe. The cats only go into the bathroom if your mom is using the toilet, so I figure we’re good for a while, right?

We’ve kept the cold water turned on so we can have a nice drink while we wait for your mom to get home. Hopefully she’ll find out what’s going on. I’d like to see LuLu chase your mom with duct tape!

Your canine friend who needs HELPPPPPP!!!!

Jamie

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