Canine confusion–help!

Dear Olivia,

A dog sniffing a laptop and trying to type.
Illustration by Vanessa Lennon

I hope you like your lunch today. I took a bite out of your sandwich just to check it. Then I got worried because what if there was something wrong with the part of the sandwich I hadn’t tasted yet? I ate the whole thing. Sorry. You still love me, right?

Okay, so last week LuLu kept yelling that Babbie and I were gonna get shot. We were a little scared but not too much, ‘cuz your mom really loves us a lot. But LuLu said it was on the calendar “dogs-shots”, so we weren’t sure what was happening.

You mom took us to the vet and her assistant brought out a pointy needley-thing. We growled at it, but it just kind of stuck in us for a minute and then went away. Sort of like a splinter. I don’t want to do that again, but it wasn’t awful, and the vet told everyone that I was a good girl. Plus I got a biscuit!

LuLu looked sad when we came home. The cat doesn’t really hate us, does she? We like them. Sometimes. Not when they claws us, or bite at us, or push stuff on our heads, but other times. Like when they’re asleep. Babbie and I agree that when those twin-cats are asleep they look so soft and cuddly.

They’re not by the way. If you try to cuddle either one of the calico sisters you find out they’re more pointy than cuddly. I learned that the hard way!

LuLu Cat keeps calling us pests, but we just want to help. That’s why I ate your sandwich. And your cookies. And your candy. They could be poison, you don’t know! My job is to keep you safe. I bark at shadows and eat the foods. That’s my job.

Anyways, we weren’t shot and we aren’t pests. That’s all I need to say.

One question: Why is you mom talking about where to put the fish bowl? WHAT fish bowl? Don’t you usually cook fish and just put it on a plate? Why do the cats look excited???

I’m so confused! Help!



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