December 1, 2006
LuLu is up to something—I just know it!
I’ve seen her and her little cat gang typing letters to your brother the last few days. They’re talking about me! I’m not being paranoid—I’m not even sure what that word means!
I can tell that they’re planning something big, because whenever I’m around they go all quiet. LuLu hops down from the keyboard and chases me out of the kitchen. It could be a dognapping plot! You must help me!
If you will not help me, at least share your dinner tonight so I can die happy!
Your loyal friend,
November 29, 2006
I’ve wanted to write to you for a while, but it’s been almost impossible. It is very hard for me to use a pencil. Both times I’ve tried I accidentally stabbed myself in the eye.
Fortunately, I discovered by accident that it is very easy for me to type. It takes me a great deal of time. I have to pick out one letter at a time with my claws, but it is worth it to know that I can finally communicate with you.
I’m not a tattle tale, but I’ve wanted to let you know for a while that every day when you leave for school your dog goes upstairs and plays with all of your stuff. Sometimes Jamie also tries to buy dog toys and raw steaks on the internet.
I tried to take pictures so you’d have some proof, but I had trouble working the camera. Darn these paws! Just remember to hide your money, your candy, and your trains before you go to school.
YOUR DOG CAN NOT BE TRUSTED!
Your feline friend,